Not good looking enough for online dating

25-Jun-2020 02:27 by 9 Comments

Not good looking enough for online dating

The voice tells us that pretty women have easy lives and since our lives are a little bit difficult we must not be pretty enough. It’s echoed by the constant, quiet chant of TV commercials, reality shows, women’s magazines, and morning radio DJs, all of whom seem to agree that we all definitely need to work at being prettier. Take the most beautiful woman you can think of—for me, Megan Fox—and show her picture to 10 people and at least one person will be like, “Nah.” There is no such thing as being attractive to everyone.We like to pretend that dating is a meritocracy and if you’re “pretty” or “smart” or “good” enough every man that you go out with will fall to his knees and immediately beg you to change your relationship status on Facebook. Even more, this fantasy is insulting to both women and men.

Like in a normal bell curve, 5% of the women were found to be the least attractive and 5% were found to be the most attractive, with most women falling in the middle 90%.Dana Norris is the founder of Story Club and she once went on 71 internet dates. I meet them both at the Bad Dog Tavern, a restaurant near where I live. Both have vaguely amusing profiles and are smiling in their pictures, which is harder to find than you’d think.Then there is the idea that her boss might see, or her friends, or her neighbors, or the guy at the gas station.The whole world sees her as desperate enough to resort to online dating.As Ok Cupid observed, the medical term for this is “male pattern madness”.

4) Women engage in similar behavioral patterns, just not as extreme.

However, I’m also aware having been through a lot of therapy after numerous and significant mental health difficulties (eating disorders etc.) that I tend to date cold or unavailable men and then not ask for more and maintain that emotional distance – essentially, I seem to have been in a habit of avoiding intimacy by going out with people I don’t find attractive, or more often than I’d like to admit, men who I know are gay before I even ask them out…otherwise they’re narcissistic or give mixed messages, or aren’t close in some way etc.

Knowing that I have that pattern, I made a promise to myself to pick up on coldness whenever I find someone attractive and to walk away.

After coaching women for many years, I already suspected this, but this was a stark realization when you see just how few men you even find to be average looking. Ok Cupid reports that the most attractive women still receive 5X more email than average women and 28X more email than unattractive women.

Literally 2/3 of male messages go to the best looking 1/3 of women.

A friend forwarded me an article about looks on the dating site Ok Okay, maybe it didn’t blow my mind, but it did validate everything that I’ve ever said about online dating.

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