Dating without intimacy
Dating without intimacy
What was driving you most in those brief moments before you let your lips touch?
By the way, here is what God says to us in Hebrews 13:5: Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have.“The pursuit of marriage” was a warm and justifying pullover to wear over my conscience when things started to go too far physically and emotionally. That simple equation would have saved me and the girls I dated all kinds of grief, heartache, and regret. Think about your last first kiss in a relationship (if you’ve already kissed someone). You knew you were risking something, that this wasn’t the safest way to give yourself to someone. We want to share life with someone of the opposite sex who will be involved and invested in what we’re doing and what we care about. Check off enough items and you’ve got a shot at a fulfilling relationship. When you get close enough to someone, everything changes. If you want to fulfill the quest, you’ll need to change the rules. They have the same feeling about you, that you’ve got something just for them. It will be your only opportunity to find out what you’re meant to discover together.You want a companion, a partner, someone to build a future with. The thin shell of your mundane existence cracks, and something magical trickles in. You might even need to start off acting as you would if you were already close, as if you’re already partners. How will you spend the few precious hours you have? Concerns like these are always buzzing around beneath the surface. You think you’re on the hunt for a suitable partner. Fail to check them off and you’ll waste your time with the wrong person. You’re dating because you’re on a primordial spiritual quest. Following each of the six new rules below helps you to get unusually close, unusually fast. The quality of the encounters determines the quality of the relationship. Unless you can get close enough, unless you can really get in with each other, you won’t have a chance.
You’ve been programmed to believe the person in front of you is a kind of checklist. Worse, you might repeat the same mistakes you made in your last relationship. You just want to find “the one”, and you deserve to. When somebody you like flirts with you, when you have a new crush, when you start to fall for someone, it stirs your soul. Would you want a long-term partnership that consisted of unsatisfying exchanges: small talk, cautiousness, testing, pretending, withholding? So why would you want a short-term partnership that’s made of that stuff? You can’t wait around for the relationship to develop slowly over time.
It keeps them from pushing the issue, and it lets a single person know whether or not their new partner is willing to invest in a real relationship instead of a hook-up.
When Needs Arise There are few people who can go long without physical intimacy, but it does not need to be an issue when dating a new partner.
It also needs to be stated that people who live together have many more problems (abuse, infidelity, etc.) than married people and if they ever marry, they have a significantly higher chance of divorce. When we say, “Til death do us part” in our marriage vows it is very meaningful.
The reason is that their relationship is inherently self-centered and tentative. Intimacy means “inner closeness.” It means we are close on the inside and it manifests itself through deep friendship, great sex and the unhindered exchange of thoughts, dreams and ideas. It means, “I’m here to stay.” That creates trust which leads to intimacy.
The cohabiting relationship allows them to check the other person out on a trial basis before deciding if they measure up.