Dating a pleaser
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Experts report that many of us have been trained from an early age on to become approval-seeking "people pleasers." The problem with this scenario is that excessive "people-pleasing" can be extremely damaging to your emotional well-being.
And eventually, after suppressing their emotions for such a long time, they stop being able to recognize their own feelings for what they truly are.Such feelings as sadness, frustration, anxiety, and/or anger all become unacceptable (and indeed almost unrecognizable) to them, essentially because they know that these feelings are unacceptable to the most important adults in their lives: their parents.When People-Pleasing Children Grow Up Sadly, such children often carry their people-pleasing tendencies into their adult friendships, love relationships, and work relationships.If you have a People-Pleasing Pattern, you often try to be who others want you to be, to agree with them, to fit in.You may not be consciously aware that you are doing this, but there is a part of your psyche that wants to please others in order to avoid reactions that you are afraid of.On the other hand, when their children misbehave, such parents react in a manner that could best be characterized as excessively displeased, unloving, unkind, and furious-perhaps even abusive.
People who take this approach to parenting are either knowingly or unknowingly sending their children the message that the only way to be considered worthy of love is to act in a pleasing, obedient manner all the time.
Editor’s note: Not all introverts and highly sensitive people are people-pleasers; however, many of us daily battle an intense need for approval from others.
This article originally appeared on comedian Sarah Cooper’s blog, the The Cooper This will make people feel good, as if you’re totally fine with everything all the time.
People pleaser.’ And last year, Jessica Alba said, ‘My teens and my 20s, I just wasn’t sure of myself…
I was such a people pleaser.’ We live in an age of apparent altruism: a recent study by University College London found that most people were willing to sacrifice double the amount of money to spare a stranger pain than they would pay to relieve their own.
As a freelance writer, I was within my rights to decline, and I knew I would benefit far more from taking a break than working until dawn.